Spring is a good time to remember that each of us was born with the right to be powerful and loving. Spring shows us the powerful fullness of life always waiting beneath. Many seeking counseling learned that being loving was OK, but being powerful wasn’t. Consequently, their power may be hidden beneath.

There’s an interesting notion developed by the Pfieffers, a counseling couple out of Chicago: The Misimprint Theory. The theory suggests that whatever dysfunction we grew up around, we seek in adult relationships.

According to the Misimprint Theory, the mind of a child growing up in chaos, or abuse, neglect, rejection or any other form of dysfunction is misimprinted with the belief that it is only in such dysfunction that love will be found.

For example, if a child is held at arms length by a parent, the child may grow up with a misimprint that says if the person you love is not holding you at arms length, then that person must not really love you. So that child grows up to repeatedly get involved with adult “lovers” that keep him or her at arms length.

Other children grow up in homes where they are routinely criticized. These children may grow up with the misimprint that if the person you love does not regularly criticize you, then that person must not really love you. So that child grows up to repeatedly get involved with adult “lovers” that regularly criticize him or her.

 Sounds hard to believe, but it shows up in adults all the time. It works like this. If there’s a significant dysfunction in a child’s environment, but that same child gets food, clothing, shelter, and an occasional pat on the head, the child’s misimprinted mind comes to believe that you can’t get the things you need in relationship without the dysfunction also being present.

This helps understand why people leave one unhealthy relationship for another.

This dynamic can be so strong that if someone with a misimprinted mind gets into a healthy relationship, he or she may eventually do something to bring their particular dysfunction into that healthy relationship. That’s because the misimprinted mind believes without the dysfunction, the relationship is counterfeit: not real love!

For many, the “dysfunction” they grew up with and often seek to replicate in adult relationships keeps them in a subjugated or powerless position in those relationships. Most dysfunctional environments for children teach them not to express healthy power. As an example, a child may be taught that “those people are bad.” If the child speaks up strongly against this message, the child is punished directly or indirectly.

Children in these homes learn that loving behavior which meets the needs of the adults is good. Meeting the needs of self or being powerful in any way that does not meet the resident adult needs: not good. Of course, adults who treat children this way know no other way, because that’s how their wounded parents treated them.

Spring reminds us that everyone and everything deserves to be nourished and nourishing. And that everyone deserves to be powerful and self-regarding. IT’S A BIRTHRIGHT.