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You’ve probably seen those commercials with Jeff Goldblum as Brad Bellflower for Apartments.com promoting the Apartminternet. At the end of the commercials he proclaims, “Change your apartment, change the world!” Well, that’s close.

All of us have had experiences we wish we could change. Things we’ve done we wish we hadn’t. People we’ve hurt we wish we could unhurt.  More painful still, there are those among us walking around feeling badly about themselves while every one else thinks of them as remarkable people.

And yet compassion for ourselves just the ways we are, and including those aspects of ourselves that feel dark to us, brings a light that can “heal forward.”

When we bring in compassion especially for those elements of ourselves we view with disgust, are deeply bothered by or would like to download somehow, our inner landscape begins to transform. Yes. Perhaps we’ll call it the Innernet. Hmmm. How we see ourselves surely affects our neuronets–the superhighways of neuropaths filling our brain space.

This could work: THE INNERNET. Why, yes…I’m liking…wait…wait. I digress… I hate when I do that. You know what I really hate, I hate when I…fill in the blank.

But by loving all parts of the self previously hated in one way or another, we change from the inside out. We soften in the best possible way. This has nothing to do with not being strong or powerful. Matter of fact, when we grow in love for all aspects of ourselves, we gain power.

To the contrary, if we keep chasing from the table all the parts of ourselves we reject, those parts go unnourished. And unnourished, those parts can’t heal and grow. Actually, it’s the very parts we reject that could most benefit from the nourishment of our loving attention.

When we gain peace with ourselves in this way, others may be affected, and this represents a different sort of power.

From deep and healthy self-regard for all that we are, we almost simultaneously become more able to have regard for others no matter how they show up. Again, this doesn’t mean we no longer have boundaries or limits for the way people are treated, including us. But when self-love creates a secure sense of “I am,” we feel less the need to push our point of view, be right, or be in charge.

When we no longer need to be right or in charge, there’s not much “fight.” When we stop pushing, others stop pushing back. Then what? Everyone is left to look at him or her self. Some look inward. Some don’t.

For those that don’t look inward, not much changes. So be it. We’re all doing our best. For those that do look inward, there’s often more judgment for what is found in there.  The uncomfortableness that may come with looking honestly at ourselves can be overwhelming. So much so that the self can’t tolerate the pressure, and instead points a finger back out at others.

However, if we can look inside, and accept all that we find there, magic happens. When there is complete acceptance of self, that’s when the alchemy begins. Literally our body chemistry changes. The entire system of self settles down. This settling down is a dramatic improvement for our physical selves. But it’s also improvement for our mental and emotional selves. As a result of all this enrichment in self, others feel richer around us.

This is the “change the world” part and nothing but good can come from such a shift. So how to better regard the self? It starts with awareness. Here’s a three step process to help:

1. Be aware of how you think of yourself or others. (Remind yourself to look within by touching every door jam you walk through and ask,”What kind of thoughts am I having about myself or others now?”)
2. Accept completely what you find yourself thinking of self or others. (This is not an invitation to act on your thoughts about self or others. Just observe all the curious, scary, quirky and wonderful ways of the self with love.)
3. Create a more comfortable Innernet by breathing deeply, and absorbing the profound feeling of self-regard.

While these steps may be handy, this kind of change takes time, patience and practice. Most are unaccustomed to this sort of self-kindness. And by the way, if you truly would like the planet to be healthier in all ways, know this. We heal best and grow faster when we look at ourselves through the eyes of love. Dang. Imagine. What might happen if all 7.3 billion of us made this shift?: HEAL YOUR SELF, “CHANGE THE WORLD!”