The tragedies of Paris, Beirut and Russia threw those countries into deep sorrow, and at the same time, opened wounds of grief in hearts around the world. When someone we love is hurting from grief, we want desperately to take that pain away. Consequently we say things we hope will help. But words often miss the mark. When someone is grieving, just being there is more important than anything we can say.
“It’ll get better,” “God has a plan,” “I understand”: these words are meant to make the person we love feel better. Having worked with the chronically and terminally ill for more than 25 years, I can tell you, more often than not and despite our best intentions, words like those don’t help.
In fact, words like, “Be strong,” or, “It could be worse,” or, “It’ll all make sense one day,” often shut down someone expressing strong emotion. And when we’re in a world of hurt, literally and figuratively, most of us just want someone to share our pain, not shut it down.
Instead of words, let your presence speak for you.
No words can take away the deepest pain of loss. Mostly words just get in the way. But when we simply show up for someone that’s grieving, our presence says more than any words could. Our presence lightens the weight of isolation someone grieving might feel. Being there also says, “I can handle your pain, no matter what.” This makes a difference.
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